I felt like I was trapped in one of those terrifying nightmares, the one where you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but you can’t make your body move fast enough.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Preface, p.1
My own life meant little to me today.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Preface, p.1
As the clock began to toll out the hour, vibrating under the soles of my sluggish feet, I knew I was too late — and I was glad something bloodthirsty waited in the wings. For in failing at this, I forfeited any desire to live. Bella Swan, New Moon, Preface, p.2
I was ninety-nine point nine percent sure I was dreaming.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.3
I didn’t have to look to know who it was; this was a voice I would know anywhere — know, and respond to, whether I was awake or asleep… or even dead, I’d bet. The voice I’d walk through fire for — or, less dramatically, slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for. Edward.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.4
Well, Gran, you might have noticed that my boyfriend glitters. It’s just something he does in the sun. Don’t worry about it…
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.4
In that second, I wished that I was not the one exception to his mysterious talent; I usually felt grateful that I was the only person whose thoughts he couldn’t hear just as clearly as if they were spoken aloud. But now I wished he could hear me, too, so that he could hear the warning I was screaming in my head.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.5
Edward stood beside me, casting no reflection, excruciatingly lovely and forever seventeen.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.6
I couldn’t feel anything but despair until I pulled into the familiar parking lot behind Forks High School and spotted Edward leaning motionlessly against his polished silver Volvo, like a marble tribute to some forgotten pagan god of beauty.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.7
Despair momentarily vanished; wonder took its place. Even after half a year with him, I still couldn’t believe that I deserved this degree of good fortune.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.7
How many times have you been a senior?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.9
But Edward was dead set against any future that changed me. Any future that made me like him—that made me immortal, too. An impasse, he called it.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.10
What was so great about mortality? Being a vampire didn’t look like such a terrible thing—not the way the Cullens did it, anyway.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.10
Edward and I had been together too long now to be an object of gossip anymore.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.12
It was easy to see where his inspiration came from—but Edward’s look wasn’t something that could be achieved through imitation.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.12
Attention is never a good thing, as any other accident-prone klutz would agree. No one wants a spotlight when they’re likely to fall on their face.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.12
College was Plan B. I was still hoping for Plan A, but Edward was just so stubborn about leaving me human…
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.13
Money meant next to nothing to Edward or the rest of the Cullens. It was just something that accumulated when you had unlimited time on your hands and a sister who had an uncanny ability to predict trends in the stock market.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.13
Edward thought I was being unnecessarily difficult.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.13
He, for some unfathomable reason, wanted to be with me. Anything he gave me on top of that just threw us more out of balance.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.13
Sometimes it bothered Edward how very comfortable I was with being close to him. He thought he was hazardous to my health — an opinion I rejected vehemently whenever he voiced it.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.14
You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.15
I was hardly ever bad-tempered with Edward, and my tone made him press his lips together to keep from smiling.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.15
As he intended, no doubt, I forgot all about my worries, and concentrated on remembering how to inhale and exhale.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.16
Edward had drawn many careful lines for our physical relationship, with the intent being to keep me alive. Though I respected the need for maintaining a safe distance between my skin and his razor-sharp, venom-coated teeth, I tended to forget about trivial things like that when he was kissing me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.16
Do you think I’ll ever get better at this? That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.16
The movie eventually captured my interest, thanks in large part to Edward whispering Romeo’s lines in my ear — his irresistible, velvet voice made the actor’s voice sound weak and coarse by comparison.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.17
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.19
No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.20
Put me in danger! I thought we’d established that all the bad luck is my fault?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.20
What if something did happen to you? Would you want me to go off myself?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.20
I’m not really that interesting.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.21
Emmett, Edward’s playful bear of a brother, I did miss. He was in many ways just like the big brother I’d always wanted… only much, much more terrifying.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.24
If I develop this film, will you show up in the picture?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.25
Alice was always one step ahead of me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.27
Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm — into the fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 1, p.29
Edward stood over me, still protective, still not breathing.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.32
You don’t need to be a hero. Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.32
Why are you so masochistic?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.32
Well, that’s everyone. I can clear a room, at least.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.33
You try very hard to make up for something that was never your fault. What I mean is, it’s not like you asked for this. You didn’t choose this kind of life, and yet you have to work so hard to be good.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.35
I couldn’t imagine anyone, deity included, who wouldn’t be impressed by Carlisle. Besides, the only kind of heaven I could appreciate would have to include Edward.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.37
If he’d asked me whether I would risk my soul for Edward, the reply would be obvious. But would I risk Edward’s soul? I pursed my lips unhappily. That wasn’t a fair exchange.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.38
His face was smooth, unreadable, but there was something wrong with his eyes — something he was trying very hard to hide. I felt a spasm of unease in my stomach.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.41
Carlisle sews faster than any other doctor I’ve had.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.42
Charlie was never surprised to see me bandaged.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.43
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.44
How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.45
I’d rather die than be with anyone but you.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.45
He smiled my favorite crooked smile, and then he disappeared into the darkness.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.46
His voice was sad. He was wallowing.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.47
It’s beautiful, Edward. You couldn’t have given me anything I would love more. I can’t believe it.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.49
Charlie wasn’t exactly aware that Edward frequently stayed over. In fact, he would have a stroke if that fact were brought to his attention. But I didn’t feel too guilty for deceiving him It wasn’t as if we were up to anything he wouldn’t want me to be up to. Edward and his rules…
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.49
Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.52
I was halfway asleep, maybe more, when I realized what his kiss had reminded me of: last spring, when he’d had to leave me to throw James off my trail, Edward had kissed me goodbye, not knowing when—or if—we would see each other again. This kiss had the same almost painful edge for some reason I couldn’t imagine.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 2, p.52
I was afraid of the time I’d spent unconscious, afraid that he might have been thinking about right and wrong again while he watched me sleep.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.53
There was something buried in his eyes that I couldn’t be sure of — and it scared me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.53
The guilt made my head bow and my shoulders slump. I’d run them out of their home, just like Rosalie and Emmett. I was a plague.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.55
By the end of the day, the silence was becoming ridiculous. I didn’t want to be the one to break it, but apparently that was my only choice if I ever wanted him to talk to me again.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.55
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.56
James had left me broken and nearly dead from loss of blood — and yet Edward had handled the interminable weeks in the hospital much better than this. Was it because, this time, it wasn’t an enemy he’d had to protect me from? Because it was his brother?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.57
Surely Edward could wait a year. What was a year to an immortal? It didn’t even seem like that much to me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.57
What’s the worst that can happen? I flinched. That was definitely the wrong question to ask. I was having a hard time breathing right. Okay, I thought again, what’s the worst I can live through? I didn’t like that question so much, either.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.59
So much had changed, and so abruptly. It made me feel a little bit dizzy, like I was standing on an edge, a precipice somewhere much too high.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.60
Change was coming. I could feel it. It wasn’t a pleasant prospect, not when life was perfect the way it was.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.60
Maybe I just wasn’t in the mood for normal human behavior today.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.64
Edward looked just as beautiful as he did in real life, staring at me out of the picture with the warm eyes I’d missed for the past few days. It was almost uncanny that anyone could look so… so… beyond description. No thousand words could equal this picture.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.65
The contrast between the two of us was painful. He looked like a god. I looked very average, even for a human, almost shamefully plain.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.65
Edward still hadn’t come over. I didn’t want to admit that he was the reason I’d stayed up so late, but of course he was. I tried to remember the last time he’d stayed away like this, without an excuse, a phone call… He never had.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.66
He smiled my favorite crooked smile, but it was wrong. It didn’t reach his eyes.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.67
I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to locate some courage.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.67
Where you are is the right place for me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.69
You’re the very best part of my life.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.69
I don’t care! You can have my soul. I don’t want it without you — it’s yours already!
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.69
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.69
With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over. Love, life, meaning… over.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.73
The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under. I did not resurface.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 3, p.84
Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.93
I didn’t know much about psychoanalysis, but I was pretty sure that it didn’t work unless the subject was relatively honest. Sure, I could tell the truth — if I wanted to spend the rest of my life in a padded cell.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.96
In my haste to get away from Charlie, I ended up being one of the first ones to school. The plus side was that I got a really good parking spot. The downside was that I had free time on my hands, and I tried to avoid free time at all costs.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.98
The scene kept cutting between the horrified face of the heroine, and the dead, emotionless face of her pursuer, back and forth as it closed the distance. And I realized which one resembled me the most.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.106
I sat down on the bench outside the theater door and tried very hard not to think of the irony. But it was ironic, all things considered, that, in the end, I would wind up as a zombie. I hadn’t seen that one coming.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.106
It was depressing to realize that I wasn’t the heroine anymore, that my story was over.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.106
It was inevitable that I would have nightmares, but they wouldn’t be about zombies.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.107
What was I doing? I should be running from this memory as fast as I could, blocking the image of the four lounging men from my mind, protecting myself with the numbness I couldn’t function without. Why was I stepping, dazed, into the street?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.109
I saw no reason for fear. I couldn’t imagine anything in the world that there was left to be afraid of, not physically at least. One of the few advantages of losing everything.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.110
I wasn’t suicidal. Even in the beginning, when death unquestionably would have been a relief, I didn’t consider it. I owed too much to Charlie. I felt too responsible for Renee. I had to think of them. And I’d made a promise not to do anything stupid or reckless. For all those reasons, I was still breathing.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.110
In the instant that I heard his voice, everything was very clear. Like my head had suddenly surfaced out of some dark pool. I was more aware of everything — sight, sound, the feel of the cold air that I hadn’t noticed was blowing sharply against my face, the smells coming from the open bar door.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.111
Option one: I was crazy. That was the layman’s term for people who heard voices in their heads. Possible.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.112
I was not allowed to think of him. That was something I tried to be very strict about. Of course I slipped; I was only human. But I was getting better, and so the pain was something I could avoid for days at a time now. The tradeoff was the never-ending numbness. Between pain and nothing, I’d chosen nothing.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.113
The anger was what I wanted to hear — false, fabricated evidence that he cared, a dubious gift from my subconscious.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.113
Instead of shying away from the memories, I’d walked forward and greeted them. I’d heard his voice, so clearly, in my head. That was going to cost me, I was sure of it. Especially if I couldn’t reclaim the haze to protect myself. I felt too alert, and that frightened me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.116
As much as I struggled not to think of him, I did not struggle to forget. I worried — late in the night, when the exhaustion of sleep deprivation broke down my defenses — that it was all slipping away. That my mind was a sieve, and I would someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel of his cool skin, or the texture of his voice. I could not think of them, but I must remember them. Because there was just one thing that I had to believe to be able to live — I had to know that he existed. That was all. Everything else I could endure. So long as he existed.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.116
Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.117
It didn’t feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I’d grown strong enough to bear it.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.118
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t know what to expect in the morning.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.119
I wished I could feel numb again, but I couldn’t remember how I’d managed it before.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.123
I wondered how long this could last. Maybe someday, years from now — if the pain would just decrease to the point where I could bear it — I would be able to look back on those few short months that would always be the best of my life. And, if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as he’d given me. More than I’d asked for, more than I’d deserved. Maybe someday I’d be able to see it that way.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.124
As if he’d never existed? That was insanity. It was a promise that he could never keep, a promise that was broken as soon as he’d made it.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.125
Where was the logic in sticking to an agreement that had already been violated by the other party?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.125
Reckless in Forks — now there was a hopeless proposition.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.125
To be reckless in Forks would take a lot of creativity — maybe more than I had. But I wished I could find some way… I might feel better if I weren’t holding fast, all alone, to a broken pact.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.125
Sometimes, kismet happens.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.126
Who would want to ride a motorcycle here? It would be like taking a sixty-mile-per-hour bath.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.127
I wanted to be stupid and reckless, and I wanted to break promises. Why stop at one?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.127
I liked my truck very much, but Jacob seemed to consider the speed restrictions a shortcoming.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.130
I’d forgotten how much I really liked Jacob Black.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.131
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.131
It’s not like you’ll never see me again. I promise I’ll be back again soon—so much you’ll get sick of me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.132
Wait a sec — are you legal yet?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.134
I needed to reign in the enthusiasm before I gave him the wrong idea — it was just that it had been a long time since I’d felt so light and buoyant. The rarity of the feeling made it more difficult to manage.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.135
Only a teenage boy would agree to this: deceiving both our parents while repairing dangerous vehicles using money meant for my college education.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 5, p.136
Many of the words they used were unfamiliar to me, and I figured I’d have to have a Y chromosome to really understand the excitement.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.139
I was enjoying myself — how strange.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.140
I’m bankrolling this party. You just have to supply the labor and expertise.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.140
I was laughing, actually laughing, and there wasn’t even anyone watching. I felt so weightless that I laughed again, just make the feeling last longer.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.141
I had to reach so high to slap his hand that he laughed.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.144
So where to, Mr. Goodwrench?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.144
Jacob was simply a perpetually happy person, and he carried that happiness with him like an aura, sharing it with whoever was near him. Like an earthbound sun, whenever someone was within his gravitational pull, Jacob warmed them. It was natural, a part of who he was. No wonder I was so eager to see him.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.145
It’s not my fault you’re a freak.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.147
By the time we got back to La Push, I was twenty-three and he was thirty — he was definitely weighting skills in his favor.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.147
I still wanted to cheat. It was senseless, and I really didn’t care. I was going to be as reckless as I could possibly manage in Forks. I would not be the only keeper of an empty contract. Getting to spend time with Jacob was just a much bigger perk than I’d expected.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.147
While he worked, he seemed almost graceful. Unlike when he was on his feet; there, his height and big feet made him nearly as dangerous as I was.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.148
The laughter did not go deep; it was light and superficial, but still nice. I was sure he wouldn’t notice the faint hint of hysteria. I wasn’t used to laughing, and it felt right and also very wrong at the same time.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.148
The warmth of Jacob’s presence was fading and, in its absence, the anxiety grew stronger.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.150
I remembered the first day I’d come to Forks High School — how desperately I’d wished that I could turn gray, fade into the wet concrete of the sidewalk like an oversized chameleon. It seemed I was getting that wish answered, a year late.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.152
The figure of speech cold shoulder seemed to have some literal truth to it.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.153
I was beginning to get annoyed with myself. I might as well have been packed in Styrofoam peanuts through the last semester.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.153
Had all the people she was habitually nasty to caught her behind the gym and scalped her?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.154
She looked at me with concern, but not the offensive, maybe-she’s-lost-it kind.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 6, p.157
I wasn’t sure what the hell I was doing here. Was I trying to push myself back into the zombie stupor? Had I turned masochistic — developed a taste for torture?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.159
Unattainable and impossible, uncaring and distracted… but he was out there, somewhere. I had to believe that.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.160
Jacob was waiting for me. My chest seemed to relax as soon as I saw him, making it easier to breathe.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.162
I guess I am taking advantage of your very underpriced mechanical skills. But as long as you let me come over, I’ll be here.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.163
I made a gesture indicating the two of us as a single entity. He liked that — he beamed.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.164
Honesty was probably the best policy at this point.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.166
I’d come full circle, and now everything felt like an echo — an empty echo, devoid of the interest it used to have.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.167
Jacob, you are absolutely, without a doubt, the most talented and wonderful person I know. You get ten years for this one.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.168
Jake, you have to take me cliff diving.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.172
The truth was that I wanted to hear his voice again, like I had in the strange delusion Friday night. For that brief moment, when his voice came from some other part of me than my conscious memory, when his voice was perfect and honey smooth rather than the pale echo my memories usually produced, I was able to remember without pain.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.160
I threw my arms around him instinctively, wrapping them around his waist and pressing my face against his chest. He was so big, I felt like I was a child hugging a grown-up.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.178
This didn’t feel anything like the last time someone had embraced me this way. This was friendship. And Jacob was very warm.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.178
It was strange for me, being this close — emotionally rather than physically, though the physical was strange for me, too — to another human being. It wasn’t my usual style. I didn’t normally relate to people so easily, on such a basic level. Not human beings.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.179
It’s hard to believe I’m two years older than you. You make me feel like a dwarf.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.179
Let’s not start with the albino cracks.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 7, p.179
That doesn’t sound right. Aren’t both brakes kind of important?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.182
I tried to tell myself that the fear was pointless. I’d already lived through the worst thing possible. In comparison with that, why should anything frighten me now? I should be able to look death in the face and laugh.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.182
If I move my foot, I will fall over.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.183
Hesitantly, I twisted the right handle. Though the movement was tiny, the bike snarled beneath me. It sounded angry and hungry now.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.183
The voice in my head growled against the roar of the motorcycle.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.186
This had to be it, the recipe for a hallucination — adrenaline plus clanger plus stupidity. Something close to that, anyway.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.187
He looked athletic and professional as he leaned over the handlebars, head low, face forward, his shiny hair whipping against the russet skin of his back. My eyes narrowed enviously. I was sure I hadn’t looked like that on my motorcycle.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.189
I’m an easy bleeder. It’s not nearly as dire as it looks.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.190
Racing down the road like that had been amazing. The feel of the wind in my face, the speed and the freedom… it reminded me of a past life, flying through the thick forest without a road, piggyback while he ran — I stopped thinking right there, letting the memory break off in the sudden agony.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.190
Did you know, you’re sort of beautiful?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.192
Charlie seemed to buy my story about falling in Jacob’s garage. After all, it wasn’t like I hadn’t been able to land myself in the ER before with no more help than my own feet.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.192
The hole came back, the way it always did when I was away from Jacob, but it didn’t throb so badly around the edges.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.193
As always, Jacob was game for anything I wanted. No matter how strange it was.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.196
Normal memories were still dangerous. If I let myself slip up, I’d end up with my arms clutching my chest to hold it together, gasping for air, and how would I explain that to Jacob?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 8, p.198
I was like a lost moon — my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation — that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.201
I couldn’t stand hurting Jacob; we seemed to be connected in an odd way, and his pain set off little stabs of my own.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.203
This movie was supposed to be a bloodbath from start to finish. I wasn’t so recovered that I could stand to sit through a romance.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.204
I’m in the mood for action. Bring on the blood and guts!
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.205
I’m giving up — I can’t top this one. So you win. You’re oldest.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.206
Some people are hard to discourage.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.206
How was I ever going to fight the blurring lines in our relationship when I enjoyed being with him so much?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.210
I folded my arms tightly across my chest and hoped that both their hands fell asleep.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.210
There was nothing left in my life at this point that was more important than Jacob Black. But he seemed determined to ruin everything.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.212
Funny how he seemed to know not to say the name — just like before in the car with the music. He picked up on so much about me that I never said.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.213
Do you honestly expect me to remember where all my scars come from?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.214
I waited for the memory to hit — to open the gaping hole. But, as it so often did, Jacob’s presence kept me whole.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.214
It was so wrong to encourage Jacob. Pure selfishness. It didn’t matter that I’d tried to make my position clear. If he felt any hope at all that this could turn into something other than friendship, then I hadn’t been clear enough.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.216
He deserved better than that — better than a one-room, falling-down fixer-upper. No amount of investment on his part could put me back in working order.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.216
I needed him too much, and I was selfish.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.217
How much I wished that Jacob Black had been born my brother, my flesh-and-blood brother, so that I would have some legitimate claim on him that still left me free of any blame now.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.218
One thing I truly knew — knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest — was how love gave someone the power to break you.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.219
He thought time and patience would change me, and, though I knew he was dead wrong, I also knew that I would let him try.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.219
He was my best friend. I would always love him, and it would never, ever be enough.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 9, p.219
I was being silly, probably. I was just worried, and, to be honest, I was afraid of not being allowed to see Jacob — that made me nervous.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.227
I’d give Billy a week, I decided, before I got pushy. A week was generous.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.227
I wasn’t handling alone well.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.228
I wasn’t really listening to his warnings; I was much more upset by the situation with Jacob than by the possibility of being eaten by a bear.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.231
There was nothing special about this place without him. I wasn’t exactly sure what I’d hoped to feel here, but the meadow was empty of atmosphere, empty of everything, just like everywhere else. Just like my nightmares.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.234
There was too much pain in this empty place to bear — I would crawl away if I had to.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.235
Here was the connection I’d sought. The proof, however remote, that — somewhere in the same world where I lived — he did exist.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.236
It was ridiculous that I should be so elated because a vampire knew my name.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.236
Was I nor in the worst danger imaginable? The motorcycle was safe as kittens next to this.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.238
I was beginning to babble. I had to work to shut myself up.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.238
His name burst through all the walls I’d built to contain it. Edward, Edward, Edward. I was going to die. It shouldn’t matter if I thought of him now. Edward, I love you.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.242
Granted, the wolf was monstrous in size, but it was just an animal. What reason would a vampire have for fearing an animal?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.243
I guessed that, between the two choices before me, being eaten by wolves was almost certainly the worse option.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.244
At least I’d come here alone, to this fairytale meadow filled with dark monsters. At least Jacob wasn’t going to die, too. At least I wouldn’t have his death on my hands.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.244
There was nothing I could do. There were no precautions I could take. There was no place I could hide. There was no one who could help me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.250
My good vampires were never coming back; how soothing it was to imagine that the other kind could also disappear.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 10, p.250
As much as it hurt me, I knew it was better for Jacob that he was avoiding me. Safer for him.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 11, p.253
The boy was going to have to come home sometime, and when he did, he was going to have to talk to me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 11, p.258
What was with the Quileute boys? Were they feeding them experimental growth hormones?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 11, p.259
There was a darkness in Jacob now. Like my sun had imploded.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 11, p.262
More than anything, I wanted to be fierce and deadly, someone no one would dare mess with. Someone who would scare Sam Uley silly. I wanted to be a vampire.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 11, p.263
Are you… breaking up with me?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 11, p.270
Not as bad! Not as bad! my mind tried to comfort me. It was true. This wasn’t as bad. This wasn’t the end of the world, not again. This was just the end of what little peace there was left behind. That was all. Not as bad, I agreed, then added, but bad enough.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 11, p.273
I’d thought Jake had been healing the hole in me — or at least plugging it up, keeping it from hurting me so much. I’d been wrong. He’d just been carving out his own hole, so that I was now riddled through like Swiss cheese. I wondered why I didn’t crumble into pieces.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 11, p.273
Sam Uley says Jacob can’t be my friend anymore.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 11, p.274
Life seemed dark enough at the moment chat I let myself cheat. The hole — holes now — were already aching, so why not? I pulled out the memory — nor a real memory that would hurt too much, but the false memory of Edward’s voice in my mind this afternoon — and played it over and over in my head until I fell asleep with the tears still streaming calmly down my empty face.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 11, p.276
When did you ever promise to kill yourself falling out of Charlie’s tree?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 12, p.279
A wide grin spread slowly across Jacob’s face; he seemed extremely pleased with himself. It wasn’t the grin that I knew and loved — it was a new grin, one that was a bitter mockery of his old sincerity, on the new face that belonged to Sam.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 12, p.280
For me, this was all essentially voluntary. I protected the Cullens’ secret out of love; unrequited, but true. For Jacob, it didn’t seem to be that way.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 12, p.287
What kind of a place was this? Could a world really exist where ancient legends went wandering around the borders of tiny, insignificant towns, facing down mythical monsters? Did this mean every impossible fairy tale was grounded somewhere in absolute truth? Was there anything sane or normal at all, or was everything just magic and ghost stories?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 12, p.293
Wasn’t one myth enough for anyone, enough for a lifetime?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 12, p.294
Jacob, the only human I’d ever been able to relate to… And he wasn’t even human. I fought the urge to scream again.What did this say about me?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 12, p.294
There was no cult. There had never been a cult, never been a gang. No, it was much worse than that. It was a pack. A pack of five mind-blowingly gigantic, multihued werewolves that had stalked right past me in Edward’s meadow…
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 12, p.295
Jacob was my best friend, but was he a monster, too? A real one? A bad one? Should I warn him, if he and his friends were… were murderers? If they were out slaughtering innocent hikers in cold blood? If they were truly creatures from a horror movie in every sense, would it be wrong to protect them?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 12, p.298
I couldn’t be friends with a killer and say nothing, let the killing continue… That would make me a monster, too.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 13, p.300
It was bad enough that my best friend was a werewolf. Did he have to be a monster, too?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 13, p.301
Once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 13, p.304
Could you… well, try to not be a… werewolf?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 13, p.306
She didn’t know — still doesn’t know, I guess — that… that… That things aren’t like that with us anymore. Not for Edward, anyway.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 13, p.315
I’m nothing but a human, after all. Nothing special.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 13, p.315
It was just luck that she hadn’t found me yet — just luck and five teenage werewolves.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 13, p.316
I’m sort of used to weird by this point, you know.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 13, p.317
How do you know me so well, Jacob? Sometimes it’s like you can read my mind.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 13, p.321
I cowered into Jacob’s side, my eyes scanning the forest for the other werewolves. When they appeared, striding out from between the trees, they weren’t what I was expecting. I’d gotten the image of the wolves stuck in my head. These were just four really big half-naked boys.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 14, p.323
No matter how comfortable they seemed to be with their fate, here in this happy kitchen, none of these werewolves wanted the same fate for their friend.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 14, p.336
All in all, it wasn’t exactly what I’d been expecting from a pack of werewolves.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 14, p.338
If I’m silly, then you’re dangerously unbalanced.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 14, p.339
The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 14, p.340
When I dreamed, I stood in the forest again, but I didn’t wander. I was holding Emily’s scarred hand as we faced into the shadows and waited anxiously for our werewolves to come home.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 14, p.341
Last spring break, I’d been hunted by a vampire, too. I hoped this wasn’t some kind of tradition forming.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 15, p.342
It hurts to think about them. It’s like I can’t breathe… like I’m breaking into pieces.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 15, p.349
I was addicted to the sound of my delusions. It made things worse if I went too long without them.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 15, p.352
Jake could say what he wanted about us being a messed-up pair — I was the one who was truly messed up. I made the werewolf seem downright normal.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 15, p.352
I’d lost too much already — would fate take the last few shreds of peace left behind?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 15, p.355
I saw him, and I had no will to fight. It was so clear, so much more defined than any memory. My subconscious had stored Edward away in flawless detail, saving him for this final moment.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 15, p.361
Was I dying again, then? I didn’t like it — this wasn’t as good as the last time.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 16, p.364
Romeo wouldn’t change his mind. That’s why people still remembered his name, always twined with hers: Romeo and Juliet. That’s why it was a good story. “Juliet gets dumped and ends up with Paris” would have never been a hit.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 16, p.371
Would it be so wrong to try to make Jacob happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving after my fickle Romeo, would it be so very wrong?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 16, p.375
Wouldn’t Edward, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as possible under the circumstances? Wouldn’t enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn’t begrudge me this: giving just a small bit of love he didn’t want to my friend Jacob. After all, it wasn’t the same love at all
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 16, p.376
I’d forgotten how hard she was; it was like running headlong into a wall of cement.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 17, p.382
What did you think you were going to find? I mean, besides me dead? Did you expect to find me skipping around and whistling show tunes? You know me better than that.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 17, p.389
It was like someone had died — like I had died. Because it had been more than just losing the truest of true loves, as if that were not enough to kill anyone. It was also losing a whole future, a whole family — the whole life that I’d chosen…
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 17, p.398
I was probably overdoing it with the antagonism, but I didn’t want him to see how much this hurt.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 18, p.406
Well, run along now. Go tell Sam that the scary monsters aren’t coming to get you.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 18, p.407
Why does everyone keep doing that to me? I don’t smell!
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 18, p.409
It was a nasty catch-22 — on the one hand, I wanted Alice to stay forever. I was going to die — metaphorically — when she left me. But how was I supposed to go without seeing Jake for any length of time?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 18, p.410
I do not like the way things are.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 18, p.410
The prince was never coming back to kiss me awake from my enchanted sleep. I was not a princess, after all. So what was the fairy-tale protocol for other kisses? The mundane kind that didn’t break any spells?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 18, p.411
The sense of deja vu was nearly stifling by this point. At least, unlike the last time — when I’d run away from Forks to escape thirsty vampires rather than to find them — I wouldn’t have to say goodbye to Charlie in person.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 18, p.421
I realized why her eyes begged for my understanding. She was protecting Jasper, at our expense, and maybe at Edward’s, too. I understood, and I did not think badly of her.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 19, p.426
It was amazingly easy to say his name now. I wasn’t sure what the difference was. Maybe because I wasn’t really planning on living much longer without seeing him. Or at all, if we were too late. It was comforting to know that I would have an easy out.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 19, p.431
Maybe, if I were very, very, very lucky, I would somehow be able to save Edward. But I wasn’t so stupid as to think that saving him would mean that I could stay with him. I was no different, no more special than I’d been before. There would be no new reason for him to want me now. Seeing him and losing him again… I fought back against the pain. This was the price I had to pay to save his life. I would pay it.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 19, p.432
The image of Edward in the meadow — glowing, shimmering like his skin was made of a million diamond facets — was burned into my memory. No human who saw that would ever forget.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 19, p.438
Sheesh, Alice. Could you pick a more conspicuous car to steal?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 19, p.439
I wasn’t going to make it. I was stupid and slow and human, and we were all going to die because of it.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 20, p.448
I’d never seen anything more beautiful — even as I ran, gasping and screaming, I could appreciate that. And the last seven months meant nothing. And his words in the forest meant nothing. And it did not matter if he did not want me. I would never want anything but him, no matter how long I lived.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 20, p.451
It was very strange, for I knew we were both in mortal danger. Still, in that instant, I felt well. Whole.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 20, p.452
At least I could be with him again before I died. That was better than a long life.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 20, p.459
Was it really such a loathsome idea? Would he rather die than change me? I felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 21, p.479
And would it really matter that Alice was willing, would it make any difference if I did become a vampire, when the idea was so repulsive to Edward? If death was, to him, a better alternative than having me around forever, an immortal annoyance? Terrified as I was, I felt myself sinking down into depression, drowning in it…
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 21, p.480
To have my eyes so filled with tears that I could not see his features clearly was wasteful — insanity.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 22, p.486
As I stared at his too beautiful face, trying to understand the change, it suddenly struck me that I was really here, in Edward’s arms, however fleetingly, and that we were not — at this exact moment — about to be killed.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 22, p.488
Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 22, p.488
Lucky Alice. She could trust her future.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 22, p.489
I’d rather he killed me now than move one inch from where I was.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 22, p.489
Here in his arms, it was so easy to fantasize that he wanted me. I didn’t want to think about his motivations now — about whether he acted this way to keep me calm while we were still in danger, or if he just felt guilty for where we were and relieved that he wasn’t responsible for my death. Maybe the time apart had been enough that I didn’t bore him for the moment. But it didn’t matter. I was so much happier pretending.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 22, p.490
It was heaven — right smack in the middle of hell.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 22, p.491
I’d forgotten that I had access to a toothbrush. It brightened my outlook considerably.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 22, p.492
I don’t want to sleep. If I close my eyes now, I’ll see things I don’t want to see. I’ll have nightmares.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 22, p.494
He continued to kiss my hair, my forehead, my wrists… but never my lips, and that was good. After all, how many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating? I’d lived through a lot that should have finished me in the last few days, but it didn’t make me feel strong. Instead, I felt horribly fragile, like one word could shatter me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 22, p.495
It took less than half a second for me to realize that, as long as I was truly insane now, I might as well enjoy the delusions while they were pleasant.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 23, p.501
His irises were pitch-black, with bruise-like shadows under them. This surprised me; my hallucinatory Edwards were usually better fed.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 23, p.502
I’m dead, right? I did drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 23, p.502
If I was in hell, you wouldn’t be with me.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 23, p.503
It never made sense for you to love me. I always knew that.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 23, p.511
What kind of an idiotic question is that?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 23, p.511
Of course I love you — and there’s nothing you can do about it!
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 23, p.512
His mouth was on mine then, and I couldn’t fight him. Not because he was so many thousand times stronger than me, but because my will crumbled into dust the second our lips met.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 23, p.512
If I let myself hope, and it came to nothing… that would kill me. Where all those merciless vampires had not been able to finish me off, hope would do the job.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 23, p.513
My problems are a lot worse that a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 23, p.517
This isn’t just about you anymore. You’re not the center of the universe, you know. If you’re going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 23, p.521
I don’t trust myself to be… enough. To deserve you. There’s nothing about me that could hold you.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 24, p.523
Hold on a second. I think I’m having an epiphany here.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 24, p.526
What if you sincerely believed something was true, but you were dead wrong? What if you were so stubbornly sure that you were right, that you wouldn’t even consider the truth? Would the truth be silenced, or would it try to break through?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 24, p.527
Option three: Edward loved me. The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence, distance, or time. And no matter how much more special or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me he might be, he was as irreversibly altered as I was. As I would always belong to him, so would he always be mine.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 24, p.527
Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 24, p.535
With Edward back in place, it was almost as if the last eight months were just a disturbing nightmare.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Epilogue, p.549
The fairy tale was back on. Prince returned, bad spell broken. I wasn’t sure exactly what to do about the leftover, unresolved character. Where was his happily ever after?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Epilogue, p.550
Abruptly, I remembered what had happened to Paris when Romeo came back. The stage directions were simple: They fight. Paris falls.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Epilogue, p.552
The sting of betrayal washed through me. I had trusted Jacob implicitly — trusted him with every single secret I had. He was supposed to be my safe harbor — the person I could always rely on.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Epilogue, p.553
Let me go! I’m going to murder him! Traitor!
Bella Swan, New Moon, Epilogue, p.554
I’m already grounded! Why do you think I haven’t been down to La Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?
Bella Swan, New Moon, Epilogue, p.556
The only thing that Jacob would want from Edward would be his absence.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Epilogue, p.558
Charlie might just send me to military school. But that won’t keep me away from Edward. There’s nothing that can do that.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Epilogue, p.558
Like we were connected, the echo of his pain twisted inside me. His pain, my pain.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Epilogue, p.561
I knew that last glimpse of his face would haunt me until I saw him smile again.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Epilogue, p.562
Edward was here, with his arms around me. I could face anything as long as that was true. I squared my shoulders and walked forward to meet my fate, with my destiny solidly at my side.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Epilogue, p.563
♥ New Moon™ ♥
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